All Good September 2016

All Good
Issue 1 Volume 18
September 2016 Editor: Colleen Moulding

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In This Issue
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English Country Style, The French Way
By Catherine Engelmeyer
Redefining Age
By Christine Bellise
Parenting Tips – Help Your Child Deal With Anxiety
By Laura Doerflinger
How to Buy, Wear, and Store Perfumes
By Roman Franczak
Lovely Links
Words Of Wisdom

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English Country Style, The French Way
By Catherine Engelmeyer
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I may be French, but I’ve always enjoyed decorating in
the English Country Style. While it allows for a variety
of opinions, from formal to more casual, and can include
furnishings from a array of different eras, the overall
emphasis is firmly on a traditional look, which is in
keeping with my personal taste. English style surpasses
fashion, creating interiors that stand the test of time.

My first choice in English Country Style can merge furniture
from Chippendale to Queen Anne, in woods as variable as
mahogany walnut and pine. These dark woods predominate,
but it is also possible to paint the wood or otherwise
use distressed effects. Chairs and sofas can be plump.
Down feathers cushions and pillows should give a well-worn,
shabby elegance. Fancy pillows are added in profusion,
especially on those seating areas that are without enjoyable
upholstery, like window seats, banquettes or open-back chairs.
Oriental influences can also be included in the mix, as the
English went through a mania for Chinoiserie in the 19th

Constructive features may include exposed beams and an
oversize fireplace, in addition to chair rails and dados,
and raised panels either wood finish or glazed strie
English homes are notoriously drafty and window treatments
are essential furnishings: panels lined and interlined
give a grand look as well as providing meaningful insulation.

If the look is exacting, particularly in a dining room or
living room, then damask fabrics or silk fabrics are the
ones I would select. If the look is more informal, for a
great room, sitting room or bedroom, then abundant flowered
linen prints are my favorite choices. The colors should
mirror the rolling hills of the English countryside, from
the greens of the fields to the yellows and reds of a proper
English garden. When adding patterned wallpaper and well-worn
oriental rugs the effect can be quite intrusive, but this only
adds to the cozy, lived in look that results. Walls should
be enhanced with portrait paintings or bucolic landscapes,
or perhaps antique prints with country themes such as hunting,
fishing, birding or the coats of arms of the landed gentry.
The English love dogs, gardens, and horses, so you can’t go
wrong drifting antique centers in search of these objects
with these themes.

To achieve the decorative melange that is a hallmark of the
English country style, it is necessary to furnish the bookshelves,
display cabinets and counter surfaces with family heirlooms,
perhaps tea sets in silver, pewter and china, framed photos
of your loved ones, correspondence or other tokens with special
significance. Dried or fresh flowers always have a place on an
English mantel.

Wool or cashmere blankets on a sofa or chaise lounge in a
corner further complete the comfortably lived in look. So when
you have your friends over for high tea with crumpets and
scones, using your Herend china, looking over your charmingly
disheveled parlor, you’ll enjoy the full effect of the English
Country style.

For over twenty years, Belle Maison New Jersey
interior design founder Catherine Engelmeyer has created
interiors with an aura of elegance in Short Hills, NJ.

Article Source:

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Redefining Age
By Christine Bellise
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The sound of the music had me dancing in my seat. As I
watched the couples gliding across the floor, their movements
telling a story of love, heartache, failure, and triumph,
I imagined myself on that dance floor telling my own story.
One filled with death, struggle, survival, happiness, and
freedom. We all have a story to tell and I am going to share
some of mine. But first, let’s go back to the dancing.

I was enthralled. For a period of time I was taken to another
world, one where music and dance intertwined and the spoken word
is not needed. I have always loved to dance so to see a Tango
show up close and personal was exciting. However, to see it where
Tango originated, Argentina, on my 40th birthday was remarkable.
My husband joined me as we ventured the beautiful city of Buenos
Aires and celebrated my 40th birthday all week long. Why such
a celebration? Why not? I deserved to mark the 40 years I
have been on this earth. Somehow as women we started to
envision getting older as a scary event, like a doomsday.
Some began lying about their age or refusing to acknowledge
it. The thought of approaching yet another decade can make
a man or a woman cringe with fear. Getting older became
synonymous with dying. As women continue to live longer,
they must begin to change their mentality and learn how
to use their age as a tool in rediscovering another part
of themselves that perhaps has been shelved due to any
number of reasons, such as; becoming mothers or wives;
focusing on our careers; or health limitations. Reaching
a milestone birthday should be a time of reflection – what
has happened, where are you at now, and where do you want
to be in one, three, five, or ten years. How have you
changed as a person, as a woman?

For me, having to deal with the death of my mother at
21yrs old certainly changed how I viewed myself back then.
It was a time when most 21yr olds are relishing in young
adulthood, I was grieving. I was mourning not just my mother,
but of a time of my life that I would not be able to live with
abandon. Looking back, I can see how it was the catalyst of
how I chose to view life. The premise being that life is
short. We have all heard that expression. For those who
have experienced the death of a loved one, this truth is
ever more prominent. During that period I made a lot of
mistakes and endured the consequences of poor decisions.
However, it began to shape the person I am today because
I learned from those mistakes and as the years passed,
gained valuable lessons.

My twenties was about failing, surviving, and struggling.
In my thirties I found emotional freedom, and now that I
am in my forties, I know myself. I am aware of what I want
and I am not afraid to voice it. I am confident in my ability
to endure confrontations, mature enough to admit my mistakes,
and smart enough to know when to move on. My evolution is
ongoing. I may know who I am, however, I can continue to
grow. I meditate, practice yoga, and write as a way to break
through any blockages that keeps me stuck. Through these
mediums, I learn more about myself everyday. What do you
do to learn about yourself?

Whatever your age is, think about what that means to you.
How do you define your age? If you lie about your age,
aren’t you really denying your rightful place at that
stage of your life? You earned every wrinkle, stretch
mark, or scar. Be proud. Use that to recognize the
strength you have within you. If you are a mother and
have a daughter, how is your perception of age affecting
her? If you have a niece or younger sister, how are your
views possibly affecting how she thinks of women and
ageing? They see and hear everything, even when you
think they don’t. Collectively, we must begin to
change the concept of women getting old and men
becoming distinguished. There are a number of
successful, accomplished women who have defied
time and used their age as a tool rather than a
hazard. With age comes knowledge, confidence, maturity – I
could go on and on. The point is, you must begin to shift
your thinking from I am getting older to I embody youth,
wisdom, and vitality.

At 42, I feel grateful that I was able to graduate from
college, survive the death of my mother, have a successful
social work career, get married, give birth to a healthy
child, and start a business. These huge accomplishments
were accompanied by stress, grief, anger, fear, doubt,
happiness, and laughter. These experiences are a part of me.
I would not trade one challenge for anything in the world.
Our experiences and decisions guide us where we are meant
to go – our path stretches out before us.

Our strength comes from past and current experiences, good
and bad – like a rock pounded by the waves, we are shaped
and weathered, and powerful beyond measure.

Ask yourself, “Why are you afraid of getting older? What
is the fear that resides inside of you?”

As you begin to uncover the reasons behind your fear of
aging, you will notice that you will embrace your age
instead of avoiding it. You must surrender to the aging
process, in order to reap the benefits of the bounty that
life has to offer. I can honestly say that I have never
had any issues with my age. I entered each decade with
reverence. Why? Well I am grateful for the following
reasons: I have not just lived another year but 42 of
them; I have had my health and my life is full of love
and career fulfillment. I welcome the daily challenges,
and I have always been thankful for waking up every morning
being able to see, hear, walk, and talk.

As you get older, it’s about coming into awareness
of who you truly are, your authentic self. It’s
about acceptance and letting go. I would rather
not relive my twenties; in my thirties I reveled in e
very experience; and in my forties I focus on accepting
people as they are, forgiveness, and self-care.

Forget for a moment how old you are. When you think
about your ideal life, what does that look like? Do you
think it is possible to achieve that? Well, I am here
to tell you that it is possible – there are always
opportunities for you to accomplish things you thought
you couldn’t – if you stay open to serendipity. You can
get that high school or college degree, you can switch
careers – perhaps not from rocket science to a career
as a ballerina, as you imagined as a child, but you could
certainly find a way to use your strengths in a brand new
industry. What is your passion?
What brings you joy and happiness?

My son makes me laugh every day, and I love settling down
with a good book on my deck. Sometimes I get lost in the moment.

Time should be your focus, not age. How are you going
to use your time on this earth? Are you going to
perseverate about your age, or accept it and truly live?
Take advantage of the fact that you are still alive! Use
any opportunity you have to finally take that course, ask
that guy out, or to treat yourself. Refocus your attention
to living for today. I’m not suggesting that you neglect
your responsibilities, but to insert taking care of yourself
into your daily routine. Start to check off all the items
on your bucket list. We do not know what the future holds
or how much time we have been given, so choose wisely and
remember – numbers are just numbers – it’s only when we
put meaning to something that it becomes more than what it is.

Article Source:

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Parenting Tips – Help Your Child Deal With Anxiety
By Laura Doerflinger
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Anxiety is one of the most prevalent issues among the
young clients I counsel. Children feel anxious over events
or something in their environment. They experience physical
and mental symptoms such as increased heart rate, sweaty palms,
stomach cramps, and persistent thoughts. These anxieties may
lead to sleepless nights, resistance to go places, oppositional
behavior, repetitive patterns, or withdrawal. When anxiety is
persistent and high, a professional should be employed. When
anxiety seems time-limited or situational, then parents can
use these tools to help their children cope.

The Worry Spill. Children and adults talk to me frequently
about what I call a worry spill. The worries start out quite
honestly and grow into huge monsters. A child might consistently
worry that he will forget to bring his homework to school. Before
he knows it, the feeling spills into fretting over whether he’ll
forget his lunch, although he has never forgotten his lunch before.
In these cases, worrying takes on a life of its own. Thus, containment
is the only solution!

How does one contain worrying? First, it’s important for people
to visualize a worry spill. In counseling, I often draw out an
Issues Map, a map shaped like the United States, for instance, with
different lines separating different issues. For a child, the map
might include homework, chores, band, friends, family, or world
peace. Basically anything the child believes is an issue in his
life. Once an Issues Map is drawn, I take a different colored pen
and we decide when and where the worrying all started. Usually,
there is a starting point. It could have been the day when homework
wasn’t turned in or an evening when mom and dad fought. We put a big
X on the spot to show our starting point. Next, we talk about how
worries spill over into new worries when concerns are not addressed.
We take a marker and draw the worry bleeding over into other areas
on the Issues Map. By the time we are done coloring in the map,
it is evident that the worries are out of control.

Finally, we talk about containment. We discuss how worrying or
anxiety is a helpful energy when we focus it on solving a
particular problem. For instance, the problem might be how can
I feel assured that I will remember my lunch? The solution might
be to place a sign on the front door that says, “Remember your
lunch.” If we spend time problem solving and then following
through with our solutions our worries often go away. Once
the original issue is solved, the other issues tend to deflate.

The Worry Box. Some children live with a great deal of anxiety.
They worry over school. They fret over sports. They have
concerns over friends and family. They feel overwhelmed.
To help these children cope, I explain to them that sometimes
their “emotional cup” feels full. Thus, when parents ask for
a chore to be done, these children can easily break into tears
or burst in a rage. Parents feel as if they are “walking on
eggshells” when children are in this state. They often don’t
realize how easily they can tip the emotional cup over with
simple requests. Your children’s worries are important to them.
And when children have too many worries, they may be cranky a
lot and might even have trouble sleeping.

One way to help relieve your children of their worries is to
help define what’s bothering them and then put their worries
in a literal box. First you say, “I understand that your worries
are important to you but they are also overwhelming sometimes.
Your worries sometimes make you cry or get you angry and
sometimes you lose sleep. I want to help you. Let’s write
your worries down and then put them in this box. As you
have new worries you can add them to the box. When the
worries feel too heavy, I will carry them for you. I can
even keep them overnight. I will take care of them and when
you want them back, you can take them back. I am your parent
and I will do this for you. I can handle the weight of your
worries when you cannot.”

Then you help your child write her worries on a piece of
paper. Try the ‘I feel… when… because…” formula. An
example might be “I feel afraid when I go to bed because
there might be something under my bed.” Then place the written
worry in a special box. This process allows children to let
go and feel safe. It’s symbolic and can show your child that
she is not in this alone. Sometimes, children never come back
for their worries.

Parent-Child Journal. Opening up communication with your
child is very important. If you find the talking-listening
routine a little too much for now, try the parent-child journal.
First, purchase a sturdy journal. Then, write the first entry
on the first page describing the purpose of the journal. You
might say, “Sometimes talking about your worries is difficult.
I know it has been for me at times. But writing down our
problems might feel easier. I am hoping that this journal
is our way to communicate about difficult things until we
feel more comfortable talking about them. You will not get
in trouble for anything you write and you are not expected
to talk about it later. However, you’re free to talk about
it if you choose.

Open the journal with this entry: “I sometimes worry about…
and this is how I cope with that worry.” If you have some
communication skills, sit down with your child and explain
that the purpose of the journal is to open up communication.
Once you’ve written your entry, place the journal under your
child’s pillow. Wait patiently for a response. Once you receive
your child’s entry, write back thoughtfully and timely. After
a while, take your child out for a “date” or spend alone
time and talk about whatever comes up. Slowly but surely
you’ll find that the pages of your journaling activity will
come to life verbally, however, never push beyond your child’s
boundaries. Pushing can lead to a shut down in communication.

These three solutions to moderate anxiety have proven helpful
when parents use them calmly. It’s always important to remember
that as the parent you model calm behavior and problem solving
skills. Talk your children through your techniques for coping
with stress. If you find that you are not great at handling
your own worries, get some help for yourself and share you
discoveries with your child. Stress might be a natural part
of being human, but decreasing stress and anxiety certainly
makes for a healthier, happier lifestyle.

Laura Doerflinger, a licensed mental health counselor, is
the Executive Director of the Parent Education Group and the author of the audio
book, Emotionally Balanced Parenting.

Copyright 2009 Parent Education Group

Article Source:

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How to Buy, Wear, and Store Perfumes
By Roman Franczak
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Working with perfumes as a webmaster of Fragrance Place
I received many e-mails and phone calls with questions
how to buy, wear and store perfumes. So, I decided to
write this article in the form of frequently asked question.

Q. How to buy and test new perfumes?

A. This is a very good question. There are so many new
perfumes coming to the market every year. I have seen
many women going to one of these department stores and
trying all kind of scents one by one. This is of course
wrong! First, stick with your brand name you’ve been
trusting for many years and you know it works with your
skin chemistry well. Trying new perfume, apply a small
amount of it to your skin and wear it for about half an hour.
This will give time for top notes (mostly included in perfumes
to make first impression) to evaporate and middle and
finally base notes to react with your skin chemistry and
reveal real perfume smell. Do not repeat this with to many
perfumes at the same time unless you refresh your smell
palette with a sniff from coffee been jar.

Q. Are all the perfumes safe to wear?

A. No, It depends on your individuality. Most of the perfumes
are safe to wear. However, there may be some ingredients in
the specific perfume you are allergic to. To find about it
use the same method described above by wearing the sample of
perfume for about an hour and watch your skin reaction. If
there is no rash or itching you are safe to use this fragrance.
Be careful wearing excessive perfumes in public places. Some
people may be allergic to the specific smells or just can’t
stand smelling some scents for long time. Some churches for
example have special fragrance-free sections for the people
with multiple chemical sensibility MCS.

Q. Where to apply perfumes to my body?

A. Most likely every one has opinion how to wear perfumes
and where to apply them. A small amount of the perfume
should be applied first of all to the pulse points of
your body including inner wrists, inside of your elbows,
behind knees and ears. The pulse helps to send out the
scents. Spraying a little perfume into the air and walk
straight into it helps diffuse perfume over the body.
Always apply perfume starting with lower body and
working your way up to the top. Never rub wrists
together after applying perfume. It will weaken and
crush the smell. Consider using the same fragrance
in various products including bath gel, body lotion,
after bath spray and finally apply perfume, perhaps
using stronger EDP Spray at the end. Absolutely do
not apply perfume to clothing or jewelry. It will
definitely stain your clothing and may damage jewelry.

Q. Why the perfume smells so good on my friend and
I can’t wear it?

A. Not all perfumes are suitable for you and your
skin chemistry. There are four major factors describing the
skin: perspiration (the more a person perspires, the
less lasting the fragrance), skin PH (affects odorous
molecules), skin profile (rough skin retains fragrance
longer) and skin fat content (heavier fat content
of your skin retains perfume longer). The perfume
can smell one way in the bottle, or on a friend, and
totally different on you. There is whole science about
skin chemistry and is hard to explain this in this short
article. You just have to find the perfume which suits you
the best. Test the perfumes as described in the first
question-answer in this article.

Q. Should I stick to one perfume or change them often?

A. This is also very good question. There are perfumes
for every occasion: daytime, evening, office, or even
romantic date. The best place to learn about perfume
recommended wear is the Internet and some of the perfume
selling websites such as Fragrance Place. You can browse
between perfumes and find more about perfume notes and
when to wear them.
We have to remember that perfumes are very temperature
sensitive. Cold temperature will reduce the intensity
of the perfume. Wear stronger perfume such as Eau De
Parfum in the winter time and lighter such an Eau De
Toilette in the summer. In the summer, you may apply
perfume more frequently during the day.

Talking about romantic aspect of the perfumes, there are
many perfumes on today’s market containing pheromones,
ingredients attracting opposite sex. Some of the perfume’s
notes including jasmine, patchouli, sandalwood, rose, ylang-ylang
and musk are very well known from their aphrodisiac properties.
But this is a subject for the separate article.

Q. What is the best place to store my perfumes?

A. The perfumes are light and temperature sensitive.
Dark, dry and low temperature place is the best to
store your perfumes. Some women keep their Eau De
Parfum bottles in the refrigerator during hot summer
days, but I think the cabinet under the sink will be
good enough to store perfumes for a long time. The
most of the perfumes have shelf life about 3 -5 years
from the manufacturing date. However, if stored properly
may last much longer. Spray type perfumes last longer
than splash type. Once the bottle is open and air get
into the bottle the perfume may last only about a year.

The author of this article works with perfumes, fragrances for quite a time as a webmaster of the Fragrance Place, the website offering huge selection of designer perfumes and colognes at discount prices online.

Article Source:

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Lovely Links
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Top 50 Kitchen Hacks That Just Made Cooking Easier.

How to reduce the calories in rice, separate egg yolks, open
a stuck jar, hull strawberries with a straw and lots more
great ideas to make life in the kitchen easier.

Cloud Computing

What it is and how to use it. Clear information and lots of related articles
to help you backup your important files and photographs.

10 Things To Do To Your Home In September

Get started with these 10 ideas for purging, decluttering and making your
home serene and inviting this September.

The BBC Book List Challenge

Have you read more than the average person from this list of 100 books?
Either way there are some interesting suggestions for your Winter list.

Apple Recipes (UK)

50 Easy Apple Recipes

It’s time to make the most of the super apple harvest
we have at this time of year. UK recipes above, US below.

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Words Of Wisdom
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Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use
to change the world.
Nelson Mandela

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man
to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.

If the education of our kids comes from radio, television,
newspapers – if that’s where they get most of their knowledge
from, and not from the schools, then the powers that be are
definitely in charge, because they own all those outlets.
Maynard James Keenan

I think everyone should go to college and get a degree and
then spend six months as a bartender and six months as a cabdriver.
Then they would really be educated.
Al McGuire

Humans aren’t as good as we should be in our capacity to
empathize with feelings and thoughts of others, be they humans
or other animals on Earth. So maybe part of our formal education
should be training in empathy. Imagine how different the world
would be if, in fact, that were ‘reading, writing, arithmetic, empathy.
Neil deGrasse Tyson

The most influential of all educational factors is the
conversation in a child’s home.
William Temple

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That’s all for this month.
Have a super September!