One of the defining features of cyberspace is the lack of boundaries, so it's not too surprising that some of us net marketers don't know when to shut off the machine enjoy the lifestyles we work so hard to create.

Family and fitness suffer the most, so here are a few tips so you don't wake up fifteen years from now with the uneasy feeling that something important (your life) slipped away while you weren't looking.

1. The chair-bathroom-refrigerator-chair circuit does not constitute a lap. Take a real walk, outside perhaps, with the light and the air and all that nature stuff.

2. Those little people running around shrieking like demons aren't subversive agents. They're your children, fruit of your flaccid loins. Go introduce yourself. (TIP: Convert some photos to flash cards and memorize their names first. Hey, it's the little things....)

3. Around eighty-three percent of what you do as an internet marketer is a total waste of time resulting in absolutely no benefit whatsoever. Remember that the next time you schedule FFA ahead of PTA.

4. That new Abs-O-Matic machine and those "Diamond- Cutter Buns" videos were a great idea. Now all you need are some soiled baby clothes and a box of eight-tracks and you can have a garage sale. (Silly me... Ebay!)

5. That distracting light that makes your screen difficult to read is actually the sun, giver of life. It's okay if some of it gets on you.

6. Human warmth cannot be transmitted via ASCII text, and fondling your mouse does not replace physical contact. Have you hugged your pizza delivery guy today?

7. That sack of potatoes you call a butt once had muscles in it. The next time you're surfing the procreation-related websites, try some comparative analysis.

8. Tape a picture of yourself as a teenager to your monitor. Remember skin tone? Remember your waistline? Remember when you could tie your shoes without grunting?

9. Living on a diet of Hotpockets and Pepsi is the nutritional equivalent of watching a three day Baywatch marathon. Try eating something that was grown in soil, not Pyrex.

10. Crank up the Elvis and SHAKE IT!

Linda Cox (J.A.M.G.) was born in a speeding stagecoach amid the screams of fellow passengers as insane, wild- eyed horses dragged them all crashing toward the brink of destruction. That stagecoach was the planet Earth, those passengers were the human race, and Linda Cox is Just Another Marketing Guru.
(The horses were just regular horses.)