Sales Letter Surgery
by Kris Mills
If you're in an industry that relies on securing an appointment to get a sale (and even if you aren't) this article will be of particular interest.Lets say that over the course of the day, you send out 10 cold appointment letters, and from those 10 you end up with 1 luke warm appointment.
By tweaking certain elements of your approach it's quite simple to double or even quadruple your responses. The elements that affect your results include:
* the quality of the list;
* how targeted your letter is to the needs of the prospect;
* the power and perceived value of the offer;
* effectiveness of follow-up phone call; and of course
* the effectiveness of the copy;Here are some examples of winning copy approaches.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The conventional approach
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A cleaning company was using a standard letter designed to act as a precursor to a phone call to secure an appointment. It wasn't particularly effective. We decided to "spruce up" the letter so it generated a dramatic increase in responses.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Before ...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------This letter is all "we, we, we". It doesn't focus on a benefit to the reader. It doesn't offer a point of difference or any real reason to give these people a call. What's more, the sentences and paragraphs are long which reduces readability.
Let's take a look ...
Dear Sir:
I wish to introduce the cleaning services of Purple People
Domestic Engineers. We are one of the cheapest and most
experienced commercial and domestic cleaning companies in
the immediate area with in excess of 25 years experience
servicing the requirements of small businesses, residential
customers, schools and government institutions, in cleaning
of internal premises, external cleaning and grounds maintenance,
on an as-needs and/or contractual basis. We have a large team
of professional, loyal staff who each take pride in their job.We would be delighted to also be of service to your company
in any capacity you deem suitable, and would be pleased to
provide you with a free quote. Feel free to telephone our office
on (07) xxxxxxxxx to arrange a mutually convenient time.Yours faithfully,
Jane Smallwood
Purple People Domestic Engineers----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After ...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Copyright 2002 Words that Sell Pty Ltd
Dear Jason: (personalised)
Thanks so much for taking the time to speak with me on the
phone today. (build rapport) I really appreciate the courtesy. As
promised, here is some information which shows how Purple
People Domestic Engineers may be able to improve the standard
of cleaning you are receiving -- and at the same time provide you
with much better VALUE-FOR-MONEY. (notice how a number of
benefits were mentioned).Paying through the nose and getting a sub-standard service ...
these are two common frustrations companies have when dealing
with cleaning companies.(Solve their problem in a risk free manner so it's easy for them to
do business with you) That's why we have put in place measures
which prove that ensure our clients are delighted with our service.To start with, we have developed a "Written Performance
Guarantee" which GUARANTEES you a certain standard of
service. (I've attached a copy for you)(What happens if you don't perform?) If we don't meet all of the
commitments listed within the service guarantee, you don't pay, it's
as simple as that.Jason, here are just some of the customer testimonials which give
you a first hand idea of how we perform. (We have over 100
testimonials on file and I am more than happy to show them to
you when we meet)."... above and beyond the call of duty"
"Purple People are by far the best cleaners we have ever used.
They show up when they are supposed to and once they have
finished the office is spotless. They often go above and beyond
the call of duty attending to other tasks that aren't even listed in
their contract. I would not hesitate in recommending Purple
People to anyone who is in need of an efficient, trustworthy
commercial cleaning company."Joann Firth, BYZ Partners - Brisbane
"... absolutely delighted..."
"In our experience, when it comes to engaging cleaners, you
inadvertently get what you pay for. Cheap cleaning prices mean
a horrendously sloppy job. Purple People were different. Whilst
they weren't the cheapest quote, they were towards the cheapest
yet the standard of service they offer is five star. I am absolutely
delighted with the quality of cleaning, the attention to detail, the
pro-active approach and the outstanding customer service."S. Chambers, Bradbury Nolan James - Brisbane
As you can see Jason, all cleaners AREN'T the same. We really
do go above and beyond the call of duty to deliver outstanding
value for money.To further demonstrate that to you, I'd be delighted if you could
spare just 15 minutes so we can meet and I can go through a
Needs Analysis which identifies the specifics of how we can
assist you. Jason, I will call you very soon to arrange that.
(mentions the next step and sets the expectation for a phone call)
Thanks again for taking the time to read this letter.Kind regards,
Jane Smallwood
Purple People Domestic Engineers
www.purple-peopledc.com.auP.S. Another added incentive that we offer our commercial clients
is 15% off domestic cleaning so if any of your staff are in need of
a domestic cleaner they benefit from special "mates rates".
(an additional incentive)(include list of all services) Our services include:
* Commercial premises cleaning
* Rubbish removal
* Ultrasonic Vertical blind cleaning
* Grounds maintenance - mowing, pruning etc.
* External office washing (up to 2 levels)
* Carpet cleaning
* Pest control
* Domestic cleaning
* Ironing and washing
..ends.....As you can see, the "after" version does 5 important things:
* starts by offering benefits and building rapport;
* identifies with a problem they're facing;
* introduces the company and its Unique Selling Proposition;
* offers proof of its efficiency by way of testimonials;
* includes a call to action at the end.This is a fairly standard approach with no "gimmickry" and no offers mentioned.
Here's an approach that appeals to the curious nature of most people and also plays on a fear element. It's an appointment setting letter for a Y2K consultant and it was wildly successful resulting in numerous appointments and sales.
(Bear in mind that this letter was sent in early 1999 right at the peak of Y2K fever) ...
Copyright 2002 Words that Sell Pty Ltd
[first name] [surname]
[business name]
[address1]
[address2]
[suburb][date]
Hello <Name>
SMALL BUSINESS WARNING
7 in 10 small businesses think they don't have this problem
yet 8 in 10 ARE in grave danger right NOW!How badly will [name of business] be affected by the Year
2000 bug? Do this simple FREE test and find out.Discover how to safeguard your profits BEFORE it's too late!
It's surprising but many small business owners we speak with
feel that the Year 2000 problem is a big business problem
and it doesn't affect the little guy. Others feel that all they need
to do is upgrade their computer systems and software and
everything will be "apples".[first name], the truth is alarmingly different. And that's the
reason for my letter to you today. etc. etc. etc...ends ...
And here's an approach that uses a visual involvement device such as modelling clay in the shape of a dollar sign to illustrate a point. Incidentally, this campaign generated a 50% appointment rate on a cold list which targeted specific industry groups.
Copyright 2002 Words that Sell Pty Ltd
Hello [[Salutation:40]]:
YES it is a piece of modelling clay attached to this letter.
The reason for that is to firstly get your attention (and I
hope I've done that) ... and secondly to illustrate a very
important point.I'd like you to imagine that this piece of clay is [[Company*:25]].
You could pull the clay out of its plastic bag and fiddle with it
for hours and it would either end up looking like an unrecognisable
blob OR if you're a talented sculptor, it would look exactly how you
intended it to look ... into a million dollar masterpiece. etc. etc.If you have an appointment setting letter that isn't working
particularly well for you, and you think it could do with a sprucing
up, we can add polish to it for as little as $AU200 (1 page). Just
send an email to kris@wordsthatsell.com.au along with a copy of
the existing letter and we'll give you a better understanding of how
we can help...ends...
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Kris Mills of Words that Sell ( http://www.wordsthatsell.com.au )is a top selling copywriter and respected author of numerous publications.
For more copywriting and direct marketing tips, visit http://www.synergie.com.au/explosion.htm
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